The story of the beached beer

So the other day wife and I went swimming at Kailua Beach Park. After we swam for about five 45 minutes I wanted to go get the fins and mask to go and just look at the bottom and see if there were any fish or fifty dollar bills swimming around the sandy bottom. After going out a ways and seeing not much really, I was swimming back along the bottom and swaying back and forth was an unopened bottle. Beer? Yes I rescued an unopened bottle of Heineken from the sea. I brought it back to wife (still in the water) and our conversation went something like this.
“Look what I found.”
“Is it unopened? It looks like some leaked out.”
“No, Yeah. I think. I mean it seems to missing some liquid but I think it’s just the carbonation separated from the rest of the beer.”
“You’re not keeping it are you?”
“I can’t just throw it back out into the ocean? I’ll have to throw it away or something.”
“I think there a trash can up there.”
“I don’t see one.”
“It’s behind the lady in red. "
“What lady in red?”
“That one over there.”
“I think I’m going to keep it. It’ll make a good blog.” Wife rolls her eyes (assumed) after I turn away and take the beer up to the beach, wrap it in a towel, place it under our stuff and head back into the water to rejoin wife. We swim some more, go home, refrigerate beer. A few days pass.

So today I have documented beer, with pictures and am going to taste it.

Initial observations: 12 oz. bottle of Heineken brand beer found submerged and unopened in Kailua beach park about 20 yards offshore. Front label is still intact, back label is completely missing. The cap appears to be intact although looks faded and showing signs of corrosion on edges. Contents appear to be missing about 1.0 to 1.5 oz from bottle, even though bottle and cap appears intact.

Theories: As to the discrepancy in front and back labels this could be do to the lack of adhesive applied to one side of bottle. Also back label might have already been peeling or peeled by human interaction before being lost. Pertaining to the apparent loss of contents, it is likely the bottle has been shaken in mild (Kailua beach not known for waves) but non-stop manner by the waves. This has led to the separation of the carbon dioxide gas initially dissolved into the liquid through the process of fermentation. How did the beer get to this location? After some thought I think it might be one of two scenarios. Some person kayaking or canoeing on their way out to the ocean caught some waves or winds and had a rough time of getting away from the shore. Maybe they went for a roll, and a bottle or two fell out of the bag or vessel it was in, the bottle than slowly sank to the bottom and than slowly worked it’s way northwest up the beach. Or someone at the public beach park in a hurry to get rid of their alcohol (a minor perhaps) quickly dispensed of it in the ocean, and alas never recovered it. As to age of the beer, I don’t it it’s over a year, probably a few weeks to a few months, although I have no evidence of a stamp or lot number to check it by.

Observations: After photographing the beer, I opened it. There was a good bit of bright orange rust deposited on the edges of the bottle where the cap had been. I cleaned this rust off with a dishtowel. I then proceeded to sanitize the inner and outer rim of the bottle open in with 80 proof vodka. It has little taste is relatively non-toxic and is an effective antiseptic. I than poured the beer into glass to inspect it. It appeared just like beer in color although there was no head of foam from the pour, some effervescence however is present. It smelled like beer I did not smell any briny smell of the ocean which very detectable on the bottle cap and label of the bottle. Lastly the beer tasted just like a flat beer. It had the signature taste of the Heineken brand, although this beer has not been kept in optimal conditions, and the taste has been altered by the process. I drank about five more sips as the beer warmed from fridge to about 10 degrees below room temperature. As the beer warmed a metallic tinge started to become very apparent. The corrosion of the bottle cap while intact did seep into the product. The inner cap was plastic lined and I saw no sediment in the beer I think the rust must have just seeped enough to be detectable. This also might have been magnified by the addition to a piece of lime to the beer (since I am not a fan of Heineken or flat beer). The citric acid probably reacted with the few iron or tin atoms and resulted in a metallic taste becoming every more present.

Conclusions: The carbonation had dissolved out of the beer. I was right. I drank about 2 oz. all together and poured the rest out as this beer was science not pleasure (I assure you). As for wife, she thinks I’m stupid for drinking the beer at all. I could do some experiments to try and date the bottle. I could tie some beers to a buoy’s anchor chain and see how long it rusts or lasts in the ocean, but that would be tricky but possibly worthwhile. Let me know if I should investigate further. If anyone has some further experiments or theories or similar stories please comment or email me. Cheers!